This seems to be the key lesson in Mikhail and I's life right now. Things are changing. I think it is interesting how uncertain we are of the future. I do not understand why life can be so complicated. Our lives are not ordinary.
We are both going back to school, well I am, and Mikhail is in the process of applying to graduate programs. It is difficult to resist the urge to think about what everyone else is doing with their life. Our friends, who are our age, they are working and building their careers. They are saving money, traveling, spending, living it up in the here and now. It is all very appealing, to want and to attain. Most likely, in 5 years, they will still be doing the same thing. However, in 5 years we will not.
The fact that our lives are moving in a good direction does not make where we are any easier. It is tough not to compare our world with other people's. I have to keep reminding myself that there is a bigger picture. We are going back to school. So we live like students, although our home does not look like this. We are blessed by what we've been given. Living like students means we hold back on a lot of things. While our peers realize the value of money, we realize that this will come later for us. We are in a different place than those around us, which is OK. Life is not a game of comparison. I seem to learn and re-learn this message.
One thing is for sure, there are no certainties. I do not know what school Mikhail will go to, what his financial aid package will look like, or where he will be working when he goes back to school. I don't know what will happen next week. Honestly, I really don't know how we are going to be provided for. Normally, I would freak out. I would seek to gain control of the situation. I would make a plan. Instead, I am handling this time with Grace. I am learning. I know that God is a God who provides. I know that He will move Mikhail and I from strength to strength. I know that what seems good to me, might not be the abundant life planned for us. I know that sometimes we have to take steps back to move forward.
So I have no clue what is going on. I know that I start my PhD this fall and that I will be teaching two classes. I hope to pick up one more at a community college on the side. Other than that, all I know is that God called us to move to this city, to live in this place, for such a time as this. I have no control. And it feels good to let go. This will test our faith. This will increase our trust in Jesus. This will position Mikhail and I for the careers of our lifetime. So it may be difficult, times may be uncertain. But we believe in God. We believe that all things work out for the good, even really difficult things. So, it is going to be OK. Maybe not ideal, but OK. We will survive. We have no control. And as such, this is God's finest hour.
In five years, we will look back on this and smile. We will be amazed at our growth, our faith, and in awe of our God. All of this is gained from relinquishing control. It's worth it.